Hey Governor, Keep Your Chin Up

Sanford faces new calls to quit

Dear Governor Sanford,

I'm sorry about all this. Who knew a chance meeting in an airport could turn into a love affair drenched in controversy. I guess it could all end today at your scheduled press conference.

Looking back, all I wanted was a little action. All you wanted was another notch in your bedpost. Sorry it has to be like this.

Do this for me. If you resign today, please try and have some dignity. No crying like a little punk bitch. No sobbing. Just keep your chin up like you used to with me. Remember you'd be on your knees looking up and I'd say, "Hey Gov'nor! Here it comes!"

Those days seem so long ago.

Sigh.

I miss you. More than I can every truly admit,

Adriana

ps. You left your other set of false teeth in my bathroom drawer. Do I need to mail those to you?

Tang: It's Not Just For Astronauts Anymore

Dear Governor Sanford,

With all that's going on with you, I just wanted to remind you of our good times. Me: strolling alongside while we toured Palermo Viejo. You: dropping boiled peanut shells as tourists stared at you. I remember you said they knew who you were. Looking back, they probably wondered what a beautiful tranny like me was doing with a guy like you.

But that's how love is. It's blind and raw and unfaltering in its relentlessness. Overwhelms us when we least expect it. All unaware and exposed.

I can't wait for the temperature to rise. I miss lounging on the beach with you. I can still see you lying there in your cut off jeans, drinking Tang and spitting egg salad sandwich everywhere as you went on and on about Gamecock football. You said the astronauts drank Tang, and I asked which ones. You didn't know. God, I could love that dumbass smile forever.

Oh, Sanfy.

I won't let our love fade. Just so you know. And I'll be here waiting for you (with a six pack of Smucker's Concord Grape Jelly).

My love's as deep as a jar of Nuttela from Costco,

Adriana

I'm Totally Embarrassed

State Education's Chairwoman Resigns

Dear Governor Sanford,

I'm totally embarrassed.

It's one thing to have someone woo you with love letters and e-mails, but it's another when you find out they were written by a mother of four. AND she's the chairwoman on the SC State Board of Education.

I'm totally embarrassed.

Not only did you trick me, but you used someone else's feelings to get into my Hanes. That's hard to swallow. It doesn't get an easier after reading this on Fitsnews.

I can see you and her working feverishly into the night on those love letters. You writing with crayon, and her correcting you and arguing over the many names to call your Johnson.

I'm disappointed, but I'm still crazy about you and your foolish ways.

With more love than your little hands can handle,

Adriana

Oh Governor Sanford, I Know That Look

Dear Governor Sanford,

I know that look.

The first time we met, you gave me that cock-eyed country boy look. Perhaps it was my five o'clock shadow, slight limp and panty hose covered prothetic leg. Or, maybe it was my sheer beauty.

I'll never know.

But what I do know is that it started a love affair for the ages. Which brings me to this - Fitsnews.com.

They are reporting that your appointment to the SC State Board of Education could have possibly penned those love letters to me. Please tell me this isn't so.

And looking back, there were no mentions of pear jelly, fake leg, Nutella or Crest toothpaste. That got me thinking. If this is what happened, you have some explaining to do. I don't drop my boxers for anyone.

By the way, I'm wearing that thong you bought me months back. The one that says "Wish you were here." Yes, you know the one.

Forever and until we meet again,

Adriana

You're So Hot When You're on the Defensive

Dear Governor Sanford,

Look at you, crackin' your knuckles like a tough guy. Riding up on your horse and taking jabs at folks.

I forgot how feisty you could be. Turns me on. Rough. Sorta like Brokeback Mountain, but more like Andy Griffith Show with a little Lowcountry thrown in. But that's okay. That's okay. Makes me wish we would have gone camping that time you were down here on that hunting trip. Then again, I wouldn't want you getting all Dick Cheney on me. I know how you NRA folks like a good tranny shooting.

Oh well. Next time.

I was walking by a hot dog stand yesterday. They had mini hotdogs on sale. Made me think of you. And I laughed. Almost choked on a weiner. Wouldn't have been the first time.

Until we meet again in an airport bathroom.

Simply love,

Adriana

Oh Bauer, I Love It When You Talk Dirty

Dear Governor Sanford,

With Andre in the news, it takes me back to when you two would fly down to see me. He would carry your coat and bags, while you strolled through the airport with an air and ease of a Kennedy. Me, wearing sunglasses and a head scarf reminiscent of a movie star, would wait for you to run and jump into my hairy arms.

Who knew you were a douche bag? Ok, both of you. But that doesn't stop me from remembering all those good times.

Oh, and remember the time Andre asked me to dance at Club Hipico Argentino? You quickly jumped up, spilling boiled peanuts everywhere, and demanded a dance. Looking back, I think you scared Andre. I liked it.

Funny watching this play while I can do is remember how it used to be.

Sigh.

Loving you like a beaver loves a dam,

Adriana

ps. Remember that suede chair Andre is sitting in? I sure hope that stain came out. ; )

I'm All For a Good Probing

It's unclear if Sanford probe would be public

Dear Governor Sanford,

Oh, who are you fooling? You know you like a good public probing like the rest of us. In fact, I can remember one just outside the cafe near my place in Palermo.

Do you remember that? I do.

The smell of coffee grounds amidst the excitement of being caught in the grips. So thrilling. And your reaction above made me think about the end of the night. I swear you would put anything in that mouth of yours, and take it like a politician. God bless you.

Sigh.

Thinking of you as I drink my morning coffee,

Adriana